Dating in your late 30s

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Want to ask someone out? Know what you want; not just from a relationship, but from life.

There had always been boyfriends in my teens, 20s, and on into my too 30s. Needless to say, patience, perseverance and common sense, is required. This was all hilarious and good advice. If age doesn't matter, then don't worry about it, but I've had more than a few face-palming moments when I figured out someone was 10 years my junior. It is con out there, for both genders but it is especially difficult for a divorced person. She wants to be taken to a place where she can actually hear what you're saying and the floors aren't sticky.

I went speed-dating, online-dating, wine-tasting dating, quiz-dating and dinner-dating. This goes for all things from finding your keys to finding a spouse. I see with my clients all the time how small gentle tweaks lead to finding the man of their dreams.

DWO: Dating While Older - Not much, mind you.

In your 20s, you dated around, kissed a few frogs, partied with your girls, survived school and got a firm grip on your career finally! The twenty-something decade is full of exploration and change—but then, you blow out 30 candles and something feels decidedly different. Women who want love and family tend to start wondering how they will fit it all in, while still killin' it in their careers. With a few mindset changes, it's possible to have it all even if it's not all at once —but this starts with tweaking your approach to dating and relationships. Here's how to take stock of your goals, make some strategic changes and get long-term satisfaction out of love and life. Redefine Your Priorities In your 20s, you were probably dreaming up what would be the pinnacle of your career life, because, why not? CEO of a successful start-up, with your young-adult novel trilogy being turned into movies by your 35th birthday? It's great to, well, lean in—but many thirty-something women will admit that time seems to rapidly accelerate when in your 30s. So while you should keep those sky-high goals close to your heart, you also have to hold yourself accountable for not missing out on something else you really want—like marriage and kids. Maybe you'll take a slightly lesser position to be closer to family, or scale back on those 60-hour workweeks to devote more time to your relationship life. Identify What You're Looking For Hold on to your phones or computer mouses because you're about to get a little tough love. Most of us are probably a bit romantic about potential partners in our 20s. Maybe we'll meet a brooding, handsome stranger in a coffee shop, or some witty guy will approach us at the neighborhood bar one night. But after a decade of missed connections or random encounters, it might be time to get real. A heavy dose of soul-searching, and then pushing past roadblocks that threaten your success. That's the question to meditate on. Chance meetings might be romantic in the moment, but a guy with attributes to complement yours is romantic long-term. Put Forth Strategic Effort Sure, you could theoretically meet your future life partner anywhere. But you've probably been there and done that with the bar and going-out scene, and might not have many opportunities in your current job—where you spend the majority of your waking hours. That means your best bet is to maximize the most highly-datable options in the least amount of time, says Steinberg. The best way to do this is to approach this part of your life with as much intention and effort as you would, say, your friendships or career. Actively position yourself to meet like-minded guys who are likely looking for legit, long-term relationships. Steinberg says this might mean: getting online or taking online dating more seriously really read those profiles! Swiftly Identify and Ditch the Dead-Ends You've probably met your fair share of men who would qualify for your own personal What Was I Thinking? Maybe you took a risk on that guy with the emotional issues, or that supposedly-reformed player with a laundry list of ex-flames. Don't beat yourself over those mistakes, says Steinberg. If you're looking for marriage or biological babies, says Steinberg, your job is to recognize these zero-potential guys early and often. The less time you spend with a dead-end dude, the more room you'll have to pace the relationship with a guy who seems like a potential winner. Don't try to change him. Set Better Boundaries Make a date with yourself for a cup of coffee or glass of wine, grab a notebook, and take stock of your behaviors in your 20s. Think about what didn't work in terms of fostering personal and relationship growth. Think about what did. Get specific about the choices you made and what might need to change. Specifically, the key is in establishing smart boundaries. Steinberg's bottom line for single 30-somethings is that they can do themselves a big service by owning up to what they want in life and committing to it. Why didn't I spend more time focusing on this aspect of my life? Seek out and nurture a new balance, especially as you progress into that third decade of adulthood. SELF may earn a portion of sales from products that are purchased through our site as part of our Affiliate Partnerships with retailers. The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except with the prior written permission of Condé Nast.